Twix… No I will not Pick a side, I’ll pick up another candy bar

Coming out of the gate swinging. Not going down without a fight. Even if it is 2 vs 1. Mano-a- chocolate bars. This should be a fair fight, but it’s not. What The Sell Twix? Are you seriously still pushing this campaign?

No! Don’t DO it!

Let’s go ahead and start at the beginning. We saw the commercial… Actually, let’s all watch it together.

Ok, we got it now. They were once good, then they weren’t and the rest is history I guess. Except it isn’t. This Campaign could be so much more. Let’s start with this question I pose. Why do I, or anyone else for that matter, give a shit which side to pick? Why do you want me to choose anyways? Are you looking for a surplus of Twix to be thrown away somewhere so you can repackage them?! Seriously, I liked your candy before this campaign. I loved it, actually. I always picked the Twix out of the variety pack and people got mad, but I didn’t care, I loved Twix! I loved freezing them and then taking that hard bite and letting that caramel just melt down in my mouth. I would even ‘need a moment’ (Reference your past campaign +2 points) and put the whole thing in my mouth a la the way a fat kid loves cake (I’m husky, this is a totally politically correct comment).

It all changed the moment I saw your commercial. I remember where I was. It was late, I was watching The Walking Dead and I was totally in to the show, then just like that, I’m hit with a choice. To choose Left or Right. NO, I want BOTH and I want them in my Freezer NOW! The show came back on but I didn’t care, I was looking at the Facebook page and at the main site for Twix.  There was nothing on Twitter or anywhere else I could find. Could I have been duped? Was I really just asked to choose with no payoff? How could someone who LOVES this candy bar go from Love to apathy in 30 seconds flat? Then it gets worse… More commercials: (EDIT: The commercials from their official account have been made private so I’ve had to change the videos. This Left Twix/Right Twix taste test video is part of a series that have been recently uploaded to their YouTube channel… but it still gets my point across)

What was this sorcery? An employee just got flung across the fucking courtyard for wanting BOTH?! Let’s be real here, one Twix is just not enough. And I can’t buy just a pack of Left Twix OR just Right Twix. And another thing, when they are individually wrapped, which one is that? Left or Right? But I’m getting away from the matter at hand. This campaign… it’s terrible. Sure it makes sense in a brand management story telling aspect, but wheres the back end? Wheres the rest of my story? Your story is incomplete and unless I’m waiting for this story arc to get better and a resolve, I wont hold my breath like I did at the end of Inception (WAS HE DREAMING THE WHOLE TIME?! AHHH)  Why do I care about these CEO’s and both Twix separate?

You then go and try to recruit musicians to help me pick a side like Bruno Mars (Mars Corporation Celebrity puppet? *conspiracy alert*)

*Conspiracy Alert*
Twix owned by the Mars corp. Bruno Mars? Corporate puppet?

Oh and don’t think I didn’t see that little different in the sides either. So Left Twix is an iPhone and Right is everything else? Left Twix please.(Mac Fanboy Alert)

There it is. The damage is done and millions of dollars have been put in to this campaign, so there’s no pulling out now (no pun intended). Where do we go from here? I’ll tell you, Stop worrying about asking people to choose a side. Stop with saying the exact same thing on your website 2 ways. Stop it! Stop it! You’re acting like a little brother who plays that “I’m not touching you” game by poking the air in your general vicinity. Instead, let’s really find the narrative. Tell me the story, you have enough resources to tell me a little bit of the story every month. Give me a new Commercial each month telling more of the story and put it all together in a playlist on Youtube. Lord knows we all love playlists. Give me my story arc, my characters I care about, my… my… love for Twix. Tell me why I should choose a side. Were they lovers? Can we make a Cassablanca type video with both sides? Can we get them to rekindle and then go from there? Turn this narrative in to a monthly release, like a comic book. That’s just one option. There’s plenty more where that came from.

Actually, here, I’ll give you one more. Give me a back-end. When I choose, give me something to do. This may take 2 teams of people, but you guys have done this to yourselves with this ridiculous campaign and must now live with the consequences or go to your room without dessert which would probably be a nice frozen Twix, but you don’t get ANY, and while you’re at it I stepped on that damn Lego again and now I’m pissed. Ok, sorry I didn’t mean to yell. Go make an official Facebook page for Left Twix and One for Right Twix. Host different content on both of them. Exclusive content that I can’t get anywhere else. Not just rehashed copy from a thesaurus. Your main Twix page with 8 Million likes can be the moderator between the two. Create an official Twitter for Left Twix and for Right Twix. If you’re going to ask me to choose a side, I’m going to want more than just the same shit on both sides. I want substance!(well… and chocolate). I want good content coming from both sides, I want to feel a sense of community. What information Can Left Twix give me that right can’t? Is Lefty the Sports one and Right the Techy? Give them distinct personalities and let me choose. I may even just choose both, and then it’s a Win-Win-Win for everyone. I get to eat BOTH Twix and they both make me happy.

At the end of the day, you’ve got a good product through and through. Your campaign for that product is just rubbish. There’s ways to fix it.. there’s always ways to fix it. Just evolve it more and think about it more next time.

Until then, GET OUT OF MY HEAD!

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8 thoughts on “Twix… No I will not Pick a side, I’ll pick up another candy bar

  1. You hit the nail right on the head. This campaign has been going on for almost TWO YEARS now. It overstayed its welcome after only the first month. When will they get the hint that no one likes this stupid bullshit ad campaign. I am not going to buy Twix bars again until they come up with a new ad campaign.

      1. Now it’s been in use for almost THREE FUCKING YEARS! 😡 And they’re STILL making new commercials. But it gets even worse than that. Now they’ve gone as far as to basically insult those who complain about the commercials. It’s like they’re saying “We know you all hate our marketing campaign, but we don’t care, we’re making money, so FUCK YOU! >:)”. That is a new low.

  2. Well it’s near the end of 2016 and they’re still at it. It’s still awful and I decided to see if I was the only one who hated this campaign. Your article was hilarious btw. Thanks for the laugh

  3. I was confused the first time these commercials came on. Like who honestly gives a fuck. It’s 2017 and these commercials are still airing.

  4. Well, I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks this campaign is horrible. Surprised that it’s been going on for this long…

  5. Well, now it’s almost the end of 2017 and they are still at it. I’m still going to eat twix though, because although the marketing campaign is annoying, the product is good.

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