Bring on the Dicks… Amazon on FIRE

I’m going to first start off and say that I get everything through Amazon. What I say everything, I really mean everything. I get my face-wash and body-wash delivered. I get my Movies delivered. I get my kitchen utensils delivered. I get my bed sheets delivered. my books, my furniture… You get it. I love Amazon prime and their customer service is top notch. But there’s one thing they excel at, PR….And don’t tell my girlfriend, but Amy, you are so scrumptious…

Most Recently they released a video of ‘drone’ delivery. I mean, c’mon, fucking drones delivering my stuff would just be amazing. Unfortunately, I live in a place where people would shoot down my drone and steal my Old Spice Body Wash (Fucking kids). Regardless if that goes, it’s still a really cool stunt. Check it out.

Bring on the dicks! Let’s face it. All of you didn’t come here to talk about unmanned drones, you came for the dicks. I get it, everyone loves dicks. Whether it’s drawing them on people who are drunk and passed out, or secretly googling Jon Hamm and his… well you can see it for yourself – from this Gawker article from Caity Weaver. (

My beef is with Amazon’s Mayday button on their Kindle Fire. Now, let me start by saying, I have an iPad, not a Fire. They’re cool, but I have such a ‘Jon Hamm’ for Apple that I just had to get one. There is one thing that I wish Apple has that Amazon excels at, Customer Service.

This new Mayday button for the kindle is next level cool, but there are issues I can see, not with the service, but for all the special ed. people out there. The Trolls, the Exhibitionist, the freaks… You see where I’m going with this?

For those of you who don’t know what this button is, check out the video below… don’t worry I’ll wait. But before you watch the commercial, let me do a little inception and then you can see where I’m coming from. Chat Roulette, Omegle… Ok go for it.

So, do you get it now? What’s going to stop these people from hitting the Mayday button and revealing their ‘Jon Hamms’? I for one think it would be just great fun. To see the, ‘this chat may be recorded for quality assurance’ and then BOOM! DICK. I would imagine a few of the conversations happening like this.

“Hey there, it’s Amy, your Amazon Customer Service rep.”

“Hi Amy, I’m having this problem with the ‘pants’ button…”

“I’m sorry sir?

“The ‘pants button’. It’s off”


I’m just wondering when there’s going to be a Buzzfeed/Gawker/TechCrunch/Adweek post about just an onslaught of dicks in to the Amazon records. Mark my words: It WILL happen. I’ll just be waiting patiently for it.

On another note, doesn’t it just suck that these customer service reps used to just be on the phone, in whatever they wanted to wear? Now they have to look good from the chest up. Just imagine the bombardment of dicks from people to customer service reps who are also, not wearing pants. What a great day that will be.

Alright, I think I’ve had my Quota for Dicks for a little bit.

Until you put out the next ad, I’ll just be patiently waiting, looking for the ‘pants’ button.


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